My dog is very old, very lethargic and very sedentary. She is mostly blind, completely deaf, arthritic and lumpy. Her favorite activities are sleeping, sighing, panting and nudging your elbow until you pet her.

But late in life, she has discovered shenanigans.

Every morning when we leave for work, leaving her alone for the day, she has been getting into some mischief, not the the normal mischief you would expect from a 14 year old water-fearing golden retriever, like daylight canine raves, or forcing small children to manufacture high-end running shoes. Something odder and more insidious.

These are her food and water bowls when we leave in the morning:

Nice clean water, nice bowl of kibble looking as tasty as kibble can look, but lately, when we return home in the evening, we find this:

The relocated dog dish. I have no idea how she does this without opposable thumbs. But even more disturbing is this:

DOGHENGE!

While this is less annoying than restless dog syndrome*, it’s disturbing nonetheless. Who knows what else she is plotting. And if she had this much time and energy during the day, I really expect that she would whip up a nice stir fry for us to enjoy when we get home from work.

* Restless Dog Syndrome (RDS) a condition in which a dog wanders the house nocturnally while everyone sleeps, panting like a freight train, hoping that someone notices and asks her what is wrong (see sighing). If this doesn’t work the dog barks sharply. After the sleeping homeowners peel themselves off the ceiling they let the dog out into the yard. She then lounges in the grass like Blanche Dobois in a bathtub like she has all the time in the world. The happy homeowner leans on the kitchen counter alternating between sleeping and sobbing with exhaustion.