Don’t do that.
Don’t wear those. If you like Crocs, wear Crocs. Own your love of their bulbous sponginess. Don’t try to hide behind non-Croc-shaped-Crocs. Be the Crocs.
I tried Crocs on once, but the texture gave me the heebie-jeebies, so I had to whip them back off and do that overly dramatic shuddery thing you have to do whenever something gives you the heebie-jeebies.
The other Famous Footwear patrons probably would have looked at me strangely if they weren’t already avoiding me because moments ago, I had been stomping around the store proclaiming that footwear that goes between your toes is an instrument of torture designed by Satan.
You can only repeat, “If we wear flip-flops the terrorists win!” so many times before people start to think there is something wrong with you.
I own no FMP shoes. My shoes fall more into the “FMP-no?-how-about-if-I-give-you-five-dollars?” category.
If you’re going to wear Crocs, wear Crocs.